3 Nonverbal Gestures that Will Change Your Romantic Relationship Forever
Introduction
Have you ever thought about the mixed messages that you’re sending your partner during a conversation? Your nonverbal gestures could be sending a message you didn’t intend. Make these three simple changes and redefine the way you communicate in a romantic relationship.
Keep your hands folded in front or your arms on your side.
Personal Trainer Wisdom: Have you ever been in an argument while keeping your hands folded in front of you? Probably not. If you’re like most people, you become animated when upset: Arms flailing, convulsive head ticks, and a blend of sitting, standing, and fidgeting. Does this reaction typically help the situation? The answer is never yes.
Whether you intend to or not, your reaction probably makes your partner feel defensive (which could filter the message you’re trying to communicate). The biggest threat: Your hands! During your following conversation with your partner, move your arms and watch his eyes follow your hands. He’s worried about your hands and what they’ll do next (something to compromise his safety???)! It’s a protective instinct (like a warrior), and it places him in a defensive mode (even if it’s only unconscious).
Even if your nonverbal gestures aren’t an interpretative dance of the devil, placing your hands on your hips or folding your arms might reflect discontent, anger, disgust, and boredom, too. If this is your intent, shame on you, and save the show for the stage. Most likely, though, you’re doing this unconsciously and don’t realize the effect of your nonverbal gestures.
Perform a check-in during your conversations. Ask yourself: What message are you sending with your physical position or reactions? You can offer your attention without adopting a confrontational manner. Try sitting with your hands folded in front of you (to show patience and attentive listening) or standing with your arms at your sides (a non-combative stance). Communication in a relationship requires trust and security. Don’t undermine this safe zone and muddle your message with nonverbal gestures you didn’t intend.
2. Face your partner with your shoulders square.
Personal Trainer Wisdom: Just as your hands and arms can tell a different nonverbal story, your hips can, too. When you turn your body away from your partner, you could be signaling that you’re about to run away (which could be true) or about to fight her in a martial arts match. Most importantly, you’re not showing your vulnerability with the display of your whole torso (think opening yourself to someone instead of closing yourself off). Make your partner believe that she’s safe during this conversation and that you’re fully interested in what she says. Keep your hips parallel to her hips and square your shoulders in an upright position.
3. Look your partner in the eyes while speaking and listening (assuming you listen :) )
Personal Trainer Wisdom: Nothing shows more respect to another human being (and dog) than looking at them in the eyes during a conversation. It’s another sign of attentiveness and respect. Most people find this nonverbal gesture the most challenging because they feel inferior or intimidated by the other person. I often find myself looking away to find a thought (as if I could picture the word I’m grasping for in my mind). Your reason may not be out of disrespect to the other person, either. Nevertheless, it is the most regarded in any personal or professional setting. Your eye contact says, “I respect you…I’m listening to you… a very important nonverbal message when building intimacy in any relationship. Practice and stop overthinking.
About the Author: Michael Moody, Wedding Officiant
Michael Moody—author of the self-improvement book Redefine Yourself: The Simple Guide to Happiness and host of the “The Elements of Being” podcast—is an ordained minister serving Denver and other towns across Colorado. He is a 2023 WeddingWire Couples’ Choice Award winner in both Denver and Chicago (his eighth consecutive year), was named “Best Business of 2024 and 2025” by Three Best Rated, and earned “The Best Wedding Officiant in Commerce City, Colorado for 2024” from Quality Business Awards USA. Since 2012, he has officiated more than 300 weddings.
Specifically, Michael officiates wedding ceremonies in the Denver neighborhoods of LoDo, River North, Washington Park, Cherry Creek, City Park, Central Park, Capitol Hill, Cheesman Park, Park Hill, Highland, Platt Park, Lower Highlands, Sloan Lake as well as the zip codes 80215, 80214, 80204, 80203, 80205, 80207, 80218, 80219, 80222, 80223, 80224, 80246, 80238, 80221, 80022, 80230, 80231, 80202, 80209, 80247, and 80210. Michael also serves as an ordained minister in Golden, Boulder, Breckenridge, Frisco, Aspen, Vail, Estes Park, and more.
If your Denver neighborhood or Colorado town isn’t listed here, no worries! Please contact Michael to propose a wedding ceremony location in a different area!
