My Advice to a Friend’s Frustrations While Trying to Lose Weight (And Why it Worked)
Recently, a friend reached out about his frustrations with trying to lose weight. Here is my advice. It might help you overcome the weight loss wall you’ve hit too.
My Advice to a Friend
Hey! Thanks for the specific notes and questions! It says a lot about your dedication to this process.
Losing weight is a complicated goal. It is a constant battle with your needs and wants. No matter how hard you try, you will compare everything to your long-term eating habits and what you want. This makes change very challenging. You've already established a foundation on autopilot that is comfortable and free of deciding or testing (even though it hasn't helped you reach your goal). It's no wonder you may be more likely to talk yourself out of the new food than figure out a way to integrate it into your diet. Unfortunately, you may end up spending a lifetime in dietary cycles and weight fluctuations to protect what you love most (which I understand firsthand).
If you follow the guidelines in the article How to Lose Weight Without Exercise, though, you will....absolutely....without a doubt....achieve your weight loss goal number. Surprisingly, it can be achieved without killing yourself in the gym. Other people would rather avoid this approach for reasons that make sense: it is a drastic departure from their norms (as mentioned above). They basically have to revise their social lifestyle (to a degree not as great as most people think) and their decision-making process, as well as conduct necessary check-ins on their health and other aspects. It's a lot of work (at first). Once you set your new normal on autopilot, though, it's no longer work-it's automatic (similar to your food interests now). Essentially, you're building a new physical and emotional relationship with your food.
Your questions are fair, and you deserve an extensive, comprehensive answer. At this point, I've reframed the answers in many different ways. Nothing will explain them more thoroughly than Dr. Fuhrman's book End of Dieting. I highly recommend reading the first 180 pages of this book this weekend. If you need a copy, I have an extra one.
Never forget that usually, the one thing you're avoiding doing is probably the one you need to do the most. You can exercise for 2 hours per day, 7 days per week, but it will still avoid the dietary change you probably need to make. Eventually, you should figure out what you can get away with (drinking beer, restaurant dinners, etc.). Right now, though, you should figure out how you should really eat. And if you read the book and begin disqualifying the claims, you should consider where those opinions stem from. Are they threatening your current habits? Would you rather believe a theory that aligns with your wants?
This isn't an easy road, and I have the most respect for you hitting it dead on! Let's reach that number! Let's make this happen!
Personal Trainer Wisdom: When Tom (name changed) originally emailed me about his recent frustrations with the weight-loss process, his pain, anguish, and frustration bled through every word. He battled 2 cycles of losing 9 lbs, only to gain it back in the months that followed. At the time of the email, Tom reached his highest weight once again. You can imagine the emotional ups and downs he went through during that time. While it appears, on the surface, that Tom failed over the last year, it has indeed revealed a mindset and set of habits that have led to these patterns… valuable information for long-term change. It also showed that he is persistent and able to set boundaries… even though these boundaries aren't ideal for his health right now.
I wish I could say that weight loss is as easy as it is commonly advertised. No matter what any personal trainer, advertisement, or “weight loss professional” tells you, it REQUIRES a mental, emotional, and physical approach. While it may seem daunting, it could be the push you need to truly learn about yourself. It’s time to think about the advice above. Update: Tom has lost 12.5 lbs with consistency, patience, and persistence since my email response.
About the Author: Michael Moody, Wedding Officiant
Michael Moody—author of the self-improvement book Redefine Yourself: The Simple Guide to Happiness and host of the “The Elements of Being” podcast—is an ordained minister serving Denver and other towns across Colorado. He is a 2023 WeddingWire Couples’ Choice Award winner in both Denver and Chicago (his eighth consecutive year), was named “Best Business of 2024 and 2025” by Three Best Rated, and earned “The Best Wedding Officiant in Commerce City, Colorado for 2024” from Quality Business Awards USA. Since 2012, he has officiated more than 300 weddings.
Specifically, Michael officiates wedding ceremonies in the Denver neighborhoods of LoDo, River North, Washington Park, Cherry Creek, City Park, Central Park, Capitol Hill, Cheesman Park, Park Hill, Highland, Platt Park, Lower Highlands, Sloan Lake as well as the zip codes 80215, 80214, 80204, 80203, 80205, 80207, 80218, 80219, 80222, 80223, 80224, 80246, 80238, 80221, 80022, 80230, 80231, 80202, 80209, 80247, and 80210. Michael also serves as an ordained minister in Golden, Boulder, Breckenridge, Frisco, Aspen, Vail, Estes Park, and more.
If your Denver neighborhood or Colorado town isn’t listed here, no worries! Please contact Michael to propose a wedding ceremony location in a different area!
