What Being a Parent Taught Me About Managing Stress
Introduction: The Big Aha Moment
My 18-month-old son, Preston, taught me how to manage stress more effectively without knowing it! What a smart little man!
The reactive assumption, without breaking it down: Babies teach us nothing! They are little animals trying to survive in nature. What do they know!!!
The real breakdown: Giving birth to a child will change your life forever. You will always need to think about others, be mindful of your risk-taking behavior, plan ahead, focus on meaningful interaction, show empathy and sympathy… wait a minute, shouldn’t we be doing this anyway (with or without a child)! In all honesty, my wife, Sammy, and I haven’t felt the drastic change in life that most people claim. The responsibilities and the day-to-day approach may have been reshaped, but the principles remain the same. Although that’s true, Preston has inspired new approaches to managing stress. He unknowingly prepared a Stress 101 curriculum for his Dad —a model of human instinctive behavior. Without a doubt, it made me rethink my needs and how I structured my life to minimize stress. Here’s how:
Observation: I need to prioritize my primary (survival) needs before pursuing any secondary tasks/projects.
Wedding Officiant Wisdom: A long time ago (when Preston was 0-8 months), Sammy and I relied on Preston’s cries to alert us to his basic survival needs: Changing his diaper, laying him down to sleep, giving him milk, making sure he was not too cold, and making sure he was not too hot. While a parent will always look for severe signs of discomfort or sickness as a caution, the primary focus is on this list. If we fail to meet these demands, Preston’s cries will, uhm, continue for a very long time (rightfully so).
Now, Preston’s ego has certainly kicked in, and life is more complicated (e.g., crying may result from an inability to communicate in a way we understand, a lack of attention, or societal restrictions on haphazardly tossing toys down the stairs). Although his cognitive abilities may muddle what he needs in the moment and how he communicates it, Sammy and I still consider Preston’s survival needs a priority. I take the same approach with myself when I experience discomfort or stress. Poor Preston can’t move on until we meet these needs, and I can’t either. And, yes, I’m a big baby.
Unfortunately, my advanced cognitive brain taught me to ignore or distract myself from these innate physical needs for most of my life. With my new observations of Preston in mind, I began asking myself the following question: How often do I hold off on eating lunch or visiting the restroom because I need to finish a computer project? How comfortable do I feel while ignoring these cues? What level of stress do I experience while “h-angry” or squirming in my chair? How often does it redirect my focus from the project? Does it contribute to a subtle (or not-so-subtle) anxiety?
Once I considered these questions, I started to realize the level of discomfort and stress I created by ignoring my need to eat, sleep, or potty (think like Preston). Despite my efforts to suppress the need, it was still sitting in my unconscious and manifesting itself in several ways, including impatience, irritability, reactiveness, etc. In terms of creativity, effectiveness, and efficiency, I never want anything to become an obstacle to my success. Sometimes, the most stressful situations in my life have been resolved with this renewed focus on my physical self. President Bill Clinton always fed diplomats before an important meeting, and I will undoubtedly continue to take the same approach.
Observation: Routine Rules!
Wedding Officiant Wisdom: Babies are creatures of habit and routine. Please let me rephrase this: ALL of us are creatures of habit and routine. Babies thrive on the predictability of a schedule. It isn’t a result of feeling cognitively satisfied with their adherence to a routine. They rely on physical cues to trigger action for food and sleep. The core system of their bodies loves to efficiently and effectively prepare for both (think hormonal release). Ever wonder why babies typically wake at the same time every day? For some reason, Preston never realizes that it’s the weekend and that Mama and Papa want to sleep an additional 1-4 hours. He continues to wake at 7:15 am, almost within 5 minutes every day (even on Saturdays!!!). While less convenient for sleeping parents, it contributes to a healthy lifestyle and proper recovery time. In a perfect world, I don’t need an alarm, and my body takes a systematic approach to slowly wake me, starting three hours before that typical time. What an efficient machine! The exact process takes place with a consistent eating schedule. The human body wants to predict the subsequent influx of fuel to use it as efficiently as possible (hence why you’re hungry at noon on Saturdays if you typically eat every weekday at noon).
Of course, if we miss one of Preston’s naps, he reaches an epic level of irritability that’s difficult to calm. I can’t, it’s much different when I’m overtired. If my body typically rests for the night at 11:30, it certainly gives me an internal physical smack until I succumb to its demand. I easily recognize when I’m pushing these limits and fighting my physical self (especially if I’m working on a work project late at night). Unfortunately, the anxiety I feel as a result ends up affecting my ability to fall asleep when I eventually hit the pillow. A routine helps me become an efficient machine, and it will protect it as much as it comes. The more I fight it, the more discomfort I feel, and the same goes for meal timing.
About the Author: Michael Moody, Wedding Officiant
Michael Moody—author of the self-improvement book Redefine Yourself: The Simple Guide to Happiness and host of the “The Elements of Being” podcast—is an ordained minister serving Denver and other towns across Colorado. He is a 2023 WeddingWire Couples’ Choice Award winner in both Denver and Chicago (his eighth consecutive year), was named “Best Business of 2024 and 2025” by Three Best Rated, and earned “The Best Wedding Officiant in Commerce City, Colorado for 2024” from Quality Business Awards USA. Since 2012, he has officiated more than 300 weddings.
Specifically, Michael officiates wedding ceremonies in the Denver neighborhoods of LoDo, River North, Washington Park, Cherry Creek, City Park, Central Park, Capitol Hill, Cheesman Park, Park Hill, Highland, Platt Park, Lower Highlands, Sloan Lake as well as the zip codes 80215, 80214, 80204, 80203, 80205, 80207, 80218, 80219, 80222, 80223, 80224, 80246, 80238, 80221, 80022, 80230, 80231, 80202, 80209, 80247, and 80210. Michael also serves as an ordained minister in Golden, Boulder, Breckenridge, Frisco, Aspen, Vail, Estes Park, and more.
If your Denver neighborhood or Colorado town isn’t listed here, no worries! Please contact Michael to propose a wedding ceremony location in a different area!
